The power of introverts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Fair trade jewellery

My friend has a wonderful online shop selling beautiful fair trade jewellery, which has new stock in, and man is she excited!

Check it all out at

Www.con-fusedarts.co.uk

Inspiration - Alicia's story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxuqbZ0Q_9c&feature=youtube_gdata_player

way back home

its nearly time for wrapping things up for this christmas in scotland, im coming to terms with having no sleep and all ideas.

projectwise it keeps on shaping. i went to the tackshop i used to work in, and bought the T touch textbook for dressage. the rest of my christmas money is going towards the deposit for my Ttouch course in March.  I decided, that im not just doing it so that humans may have opportunity to gain inner peace, but also that a different perspective towards horses may develop. and i am coming to believe that this might be through using the Ttouch technique (founded by Linda Tellington Jones, you can find more information on the TtouchUK website.) The training involves six days, and six evenings camping. which im sure will bring its own story in 2014.

Theres a dutch song, i've posted below in earlier blogs .Spijt. it translates to Sorrow. Sorry. and as time in 2013 draws in, its time to draw some lines. to prepare for the new year coming. Theres been some frienships this year that really gave feeling of disappointment. To be a vehicle for passing out love, and love without expectation, its bloody difficult, and near impossible. and the line draw is that i dont have to hold that weight of disappointment, and the sooner i can draw the line and let it go, the better i will feel. giving care towards others is fine, but thats not to say that they will even recognise it, or respect it, or even carry it forward. and thats ok, now thats getting to be ok. i'm not sorry that i showed care and consideration, and i'm not sorry i met those people on my path, and im now especially not sorry i've drawn a line and walking away from it.  someone once said that if you dont like the people that you are attracting into your life, then its time to change something in yourself. and thats what i've been recognising this year.  In caring for others this year, i've been looking away too much in what needs encouraging and feeding in my own life. and not just the project.

I met a friend in the last few days, her mother had died in the last few months. and her husband had one immense conclusion from it. if you should die tomorrow, the important thing is that you have lived life to the best standards that you can, and those standards can only be set by you. not ever by anyone elses expectations.

The next morning, i met another friend, who was absolutely queen of her own. queen of her own life. she has the most beautiful child that i have ever met (i work with many beautiful children, but this truly is an extra ordinarily beautiful soul). Queen of her own, well she was happy where she was, and in control of where she was. she chose to have a child, and at a time when she had travelled where she wanted to, had created a career that she had wanted, and now mastered it in being able to be strong in her boundaries in parenting her child. I admired seeing this all within a coffee catchup.  if life graces me with two or three more years (one can never be sure). this is a situation that i would like to be in. Queen of my own.

Gery Mendes - Way back home

Inspirations

<o>)

Be humble
be

one flower
one hive

be humble 
be

healing
nature
all time

be humble
be

self intoxicating
live the give

be humble be
be

a just be
be honey
be
(<o>)


Written by Unom Jg.  Unom's spoken word performances are just amazing. You can find more details at Poetry Circle NoWhere in Amsterdam.  His next peformance is Circ/Us at Dansmakers Amsterdam from the 4th til the 12th of January 2014. More details can be found on his Facebook page. 

God only knows

An ex of mine used to always say, well nicki, whats the next step. he was a scrapper, a survivor, a business man, a conman. and for the latter reason, a most definate Ex.  i dont like washing dirty laundry in public, but his parting line is priceless, and i challenge anyone else to come up with a better one.

"..could you ATLEAST do my laundry before I leave." 

And I did. But only graciously to a point. He left with a bin bag of wet laundry. I can't ever say that I wish I never met him. I don't. He was the first partner who was a spiritual match. He cleaned my energy up, and also taught me what to respect in myself. He also taught me to think forward. Whats the next step, and do it.

I had a spiritual clean up today. On Christmas day. Its always very bizarre when it happens. I dont know why, but since arriving in Scotland, I had a feeling of being spiritually open, and in someways vulnerable. Two days before hand, i woke up with incredibly bad pins and needles in my hands, to the point i was banging my hands against the wall in my sleep to ease it (at 2 in the morning, allow me to be a drama queen). and since being at home, i've been in the feeling of washed away. waves of energy, and I dont know how to feel grounded and focus within it.  I dont want to feel alarm about it. so i just thought, if i have patience, it will pass.

My mum and dad live on a small housing estate in the middle of the countryside. and a couple of years ago, a university friend of my dads who is married to a school friend of my mums. (yes i know.. apparently there was even more dynamics to it in the seventies, but as its my parents, i REALLY dont want to know). well, they moved in to a house along the cul de sac. And when my parents mix with them, and their other close friends, there is a huge ammount of laughter, and scottish wry wit.

My Dads friend popped by, looked down at the christmas roundrobbin we'd been sent from his sisters family. Gosh.. you get this too? .. I dont think anyone reads it, or looks at it without *pulls a "oh for goodness sake face. .. infact its only Steven who really takes any interest in it, and thats only because hes a sucker for tradition.... all that could easily be written in two sentences... "our family is wonderful, and we leave fascinating lives. full stop" He then went onto complain that he had to get a stocking packed for his daughters boyfriend was visiting. I mean come on.. i heard Kat talking .. well we do it for the kids.. The Kids?! come on!! the 25year olds?! i think next year Christmas should only be about US!

Tonight we went to their house for a christmas tipple. We sat in a huge circle. And within a minute, their two cats were sitting beside me facing me. And of course, being me, i say hello as if they were humans. thats what i do.   and then it began. they began to communicate. and i know that they were putting intention towards me, because when a cat looks at you, they dont lie. everyone knows that at least.
I began to feel the same buzz in my hands as if i was standing beside a huge clean crystal.  and then the dialogue began, and i began to tune to it as i started to feel spiritually more grounded and "cleaned up"

let me see says cat. let me see if it can bring the energy from your wrist to your neck...
you need to feel clean again, because you have to focus. you must trust in what we say, you must move the project forward. even if it results in financial debt, the lord will take care of you. We are taking effort to clean you, so that you can bring healing forward to others, this is how it works.  now let me see if i can raise your energy further...

The buzzy energy rose from my hands, to my wrists, to half way past my elbow. and when i returned home, i felt relaxed, and refreshed.

But the feeling of being refreshed, allows ideas, and that itchy feeling of not doing something about it.   So I've made the first steps towards attending the Ttouch course for horses. I signed the paper, and promised that i would follow through But please god, if i do this, let me have a full nights sleep. I dont have full nights sleeps at the moment, it takes me a lot of time to switch off from processing what the best thing to do next? how will i? how can i? who will? how would? thinkthinkthinkthinkthink

so i hope after this. i can have a restful sleep, and feel conscious for the rest of the holidays. thats my bargaining with goddygod. i hope it works.

so far... i have made my first website!  and made moves to make my first Facebook page!

the next steps are to look for funding for the courses, for the ponies, and for the financial support of the project until its complete for take off, please email me if you feel inspired to join the party!  nothing great is ever achieved by one person, its the team behind them, and man oh man i am looking for some more inspired team members!

I sit now watching the last part of Love Actually. Eating my chocolate orange. and listening to the ending, God only knows what i'd be what i'd be without you. and its true.  My family, and friends gave me christmas bundles of inspiration books, and a new diary - DARE TO DREAM. and thats what i'm daring to do, i am daring to follow through. I dare you to do that too!

Merry Christmas x

Epiphany update

So just an update on how things are going. I went with a friend to look at the land for rent, we actually drove right past it, me thinking that this was perhaps too good to be true. Its 1.25 ha, which I estimate at about three quarters of a football pitch, with two small barns, and a small schooling area.

Its was nice to leave with such a good feeling. My friend who visited it with me was also positive, but a week later that seemed to change. It changed from believing to having serious doubts, and a need to bring me into reality. It was the biggest dissappointment to realise that she didn't believe in it anymore. Back on my own again.

The man who wants to rent the land also has his doubts as to the success and longevity of the project, its quite difficult to stay strong in your own path whilst fight through others doubt. I have to admit that its blocked me from thinking forwards for a few weeks. And then thoughts started to dawn on me.

I am going to stay free of negative thinking, and reality checks, because every challenge I come across will bring its own reality check. And I need my positivity intact to overcome it.

I am going to trust that god has brought me this far, and has given me enough signs that this is going to happen. And I have to rest in that and breathe relaxed and confident.

I have to let go of expectations or hopes of who precisely will be there to believe and support me. God/life/love has that covered.

My own fears and doubts are where the finance will come from. But the founders of the horse boy foundation have suggested that I hold awareness evenings by showing the horseboy documentary. So there was light again! And inspiration. So I'm in the middle of organising a first viewing in Amsterdam, and a friend of mine, Leslie Ebony, who is a wonderful spoken word artist will also be performing on the evening, alongside a question and answer session from Rupert Isaacson, founder of the horseboy foundation. Everything else is to be confirmed.

I am also hoping to hold an awareness evening in Scotland, in the Perthire area, more details to follow!