Thursday, 27 March 2014
Thursday, 6 March 2014
War - don't let no one get you down
Wednesday, 5 March 2014
Epiphany march 2014
Its four days away. And today was the first day that I really started to smile and be thankful for what lies in the next week. Next week I travel to Bath, England to follow my first Ttouch course for horses.
Until today I knew I would be flying in the direction, but from last weeks organising and bookings, I didn't really know exactly how I would be geting there. When I made my budget calculations, the euro was nearly equal to the pound. Now inflation is favouring the pound, more than it is favouring me.
I've been in a sea of worrying, and feeling like this journey would be again a struggle, and less I say it martyring for my own cause. Well.. I have never seen so many angel feathers appear in my life, signs to have faith that everything will be ok, and that I am not the only one on my team, despite a habit for feeling I'm the only one. I have a great team falling around me.
I used to doubt myself if I saw a white feather. That it might be just dust or downey feathers. When I was 18, a friend and I were scoffing at a program that talked about angels leaving white feathers when they wanted to show love. And then between us floated a white feather. Needless to say that day, something supernatural left us lost for words.
This weekend I went to see a friend perform spoken word, and as I began to question whether splashing out on a second bottle of sprite was too much, a white feather appeared. And this time I was given no room for doubt. It formulated, appeared, right in front of my eyes. Truth. Enjoy life, enjoy blessings, and the rest will come. Rest in that. Stay active, but remove the worry.
Today, a friend offered me a loan, and a new friend offered me some extra work. I've taken leaps of blind faith, but continuous faith on a meaningful path is just a bit overwhelming at times, and I've had to fight myself to not clam up into my own corner again.
People have asked if I'm excited. Told me to be excited. But if I subtract the ifs and the hows. Then there's a yearning to be where I should be. And the knowledge of a feeling of content. That content is calm joy, in one moment when a horses energy calms, and you see in his eyes a relief, that he understands the I understand that he understands. After that comes "let's talk" and after that comes "let's dance". But its that first moment of content. In understanding that I'm looking forward to. Love.
Saturday, 22 February 2014
Tracy chapman - fast car
Tracy Chapman seemed to always be playing in the begining. In hindsight, it always seemed the most innocent and truthful love. The kind where both of you forget about everything else. But I wonder now actually how much more to the truth the tracy chapman album was hinting at.
Yesterday evening, I went to watch 12 years a slave. And commented about it on facebook. A friend suggested that I watch Roots. That really got under her skin. I ûnderstand what she was getting at. But that's not my aim. My aim, or hope is to.. was to.. hope that stronger voices can talk about it, and bring it to light. Bring it to justice. On the one hand its recognition and honoring those who suffered at the hands of the slave trade.
I'm talking about the topic as an abstract thought, when the aim was to be personal. I suppose it depends on life as to how you deal with it. My grandad never allowed tomato ketchup bottles on the table because it reminded him of blood.
When tracy chapman was singing in the background, and I was lying in lovers arms. Stories finally unfolded in trust. And fingers that thought they were tracing over birthmarks, realised truth in bulletmarks.
When I watch a movie with friends. I can't watch torture scenes. It takes me back to a time when a lovers soul was raped. And its a physical feeling, with an emotional hangover.
In the past though, it was much worse. The only way I can describe it is ripping velcro, right down my chest. And its paralysing. I wrote a piece once to process it, and had to go to bed for the wole afternoon. Which doesn't please my practical side, how can you concentrate on being productive when you have to nurse to your own mental health?
From that summer I decided not to concentrate on it, to let it lie. But you can't control life, or indeed movie scripts. So from time to time it arises again. And at those times when I have to pull out the strength card, I appreciate those who stand for justice even more.
Pauline - Akwasi and Rob De Kay
Friday, 14 February 2014
Con-fusedarts.co.uk
A friend of mine runs a wonderful webshop, with such good intention behind it. When I asked her about plans for expansion, her answer was to branch to allow business women in developing countries more opportunity to succeed. Now that gross international happiness instead of gross national profit. Her primary focuss is to sell fair trade jewellery for all prices and with a broad range of styles, I am sure you will find something you like! Www.con-fusedarts.co.uk