Its four days away. And today was the first day that I really started to smile and be thankful for what lies in the next week. Next week I travel to Bath, England to follow my first Ttouch course for horses.
Until today I knew I would be flying in the direction, but from last weeks organising and bookings, I didn't really know exactly how I would be geting there. When I made my budget calculations, the euro was nearly equal to the pound. Now inflation is favouring the pound, more than it is favouring me.
I've been in a sea of worrying, and feeling like this journey would be again a struggle, and less I say it martyring for my own cause. Well.. I have never seen so many angel feathers appear in my life, signs to have faith that everything will be ok, and that I am not the only one on my team, despite a habit for feeling I'm the only one. I have a great team falling around me.
I used to doubt myself if I saw a white feather. That it might be just dust or downey feathers. When I was 18, a friend and I were scoffing at a program that talked about angels leaving white feathers when they wanted to show love. And then between us floated a white feather. Needless to say that day, something supernatural left us lost for words.
This weekend I went to see a friend perform spoken word, and as I began to question whether splashing out on a second bottle of sprite was too much, a white feather appeared. And this time I was given no room for doubt. It formulated, appeared, right in front of my eyes. Truth. Enjoy life, enjoy blessings, and the rest will come. Rest in that. Stay active, but remove the worry.
Today, a friend offered me a loan, and a new friend offered me some extra work. I've taken leaps of blind faith, but continuous faith on a meaningful path is just a bit overwhelming at times, and I've had to fight myself to not clam up into my own corner again.
People have asked if I'm excited. Told me to be excited. But if I subtract the ifs and the hows. Then there's a yearning to be where I should be. And the knowledge of a feeling of content. That content is calm joy, in one moment when a horses energy calms, and you see in his eyes a relief, that he understands the I understand that he understands. After that comes "let's talk" and after that comes "let's dance". But its that first moment of content. In understanding that I'm looking forward to. Love.