Explaining the title, this is not an agony aunt column

..Nor an ode to a muse. Although hes quite a dependable guy. I am the eldest of three, and in growing up, and permanently in adulthood, it feels a bit of a presure. As a result I look out for big brother figures. And David is one of the oldest. Period. He is one that i can talk sensitively to, and gain that much needed advice, but also one who I feel comfortabe sharing humour with. So at the moment to base this blog on writing to David, I hope that I can stay comfortable enough within my blog to write about moments in my life that intrigue and amuse me. David has also mentioned that I should write a blog more than a few times. So hopefully this will help him to change the record.

So thats all you need to know about David. He is a bit more interesting than that. But this is my blog. I'm from the UK, but i've been living in the south of Holland for a few years now, until this time last year, I got uprooted, and following a path of blind faith, I find myself living outside of Amsterdam. The difference in living in Amsterdam and the rest of the Netherlands is actually quite something. And its something that i am on a huge learning curve to try and get used to. Although I have come to meet some really lovely, interesting and inspiring people, which is one of life's greatest blessings. i have a discontent my habitat, I am on a constant state of questioning? Dear Amsterdam, I did not choose to live near you, why has life brought me to you? I dont understand  your mentality? I do not feel at ease in the chemistry of your being, but I am here. So what can you show me to help me make friends with you? I meet a few tourists every so often, and its my first question, how do you like Amsterdam,. The answer is always "oh I love it". My following question is always... why?

I am a great believer in being connected, and the people that life connects me to sometimes. well it amazes me. And thats maybe my reason for Amsterdam. I like stories, and I like seeing threads being woven together, and when i stand back and look at the connections made, and being made throughout good times and bad, the stitches that are woven and repeat colours in the tapestry when i would never expect it. Or reveal colours made in the tapestry before i even have awareness of their development, leaves me completely in awe, and absolutely certain that

• Things happen for a reason
• That i am not in control of life, but that life is in control of me
• That there are "Holy Shit" moments in my life, which confirms how much I am connected to those people around me
• That the exclamation of "Holy Shit!" happens when one inspiration flows into another persons inspiration, and sews the thread tight. BAM.

This isn't hippy shit I am talking about. I am not a hippy. I like shoes and nice dresses. But what I do like to do is test life and what its made of.  I am what the Dutch call high sensitive, 200 years ago i'd have been burnt at the stake. Because I am sensitive to my environment, and things sometimes feel unsual beyond a normal persons quota of normal (how boring..) I like to question life in a somewhat scientific manner. I look at patterns of occurance in my life, and I test them. Three occurences strikes me as a pattern, and from there I can class it as reliably correct, or on a good day - solid evidence. I've always wanted to be on Spooks (a uk MI5 drama) so the last sentence give me a bit of a thrill. However my life is not MI5 secret documents and jumping out of burning cars (or being saved by a hunky man in a suit), its about appreciating humour, seeing different forms of love, and being connected. So I hope through blogging, I can process this all a little bit more, and hopefully you might like to join me on this wonder.

Ps. I love music. It gets me up in the morning. It inspires me, it soothes my soul. Its a rock in my life. so each blog, I'm going to attach a tune that you should listen to. This time is called Fuse by Hudson Mohawke.