Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Epiphany continued

When I was cleaning for keeps in the christian hostel, part of the deal was to attend a morning devotion before starting work. Devotion included a cup of tea, reading a bible passage with the group, and discussion with it afterwards. The group was ever chaning due to the one month contract, and ever fluctuating with spiritual opinions, though not necessarily christian. That's what I liked about it, people without being christian, discussing life, values, experiences and god. Really a spiritual hothouse. Mei was a favourite of mine. Still living in her chaos, and still energy consuming to listen to, and a self proclaimed artist.  She showed me her portfolio, I liked it, but not as much as she did, " you see Nic, this is much better than picasso, this has movement whereas Picasso figures only do this.." , and she strikes quite a funny statue pose.

One questioned posed in devotion, which my answer could not be understood by Mei, was What is your favourite place. My answer was the shower. Nooo noooo says Mei, it cannot be the shower, it has to be a place of where to stay, or a place of beauty. You cannot say the shower..

One of my favourite places is the shower. Its a place to relax, to feel clean, to be still, only to listen to the sound of water, and to enjoy the smell of soap. Yes Mei, I love the shower as a place to just be.

Mei made a lot of wise points, sometimes. A point that I keep remembering is about provision. If you hold your hand out flat, open to receiving blessings, you cannot grip hold, you must keep your hand flat open to receiving blessings and be grateful. But, Mei said, we also have to remember that if god takes away, we shouldn't be angry because what was being blessed onto you wasn't yours in the first place. And we should just be happy we've experienced it, and stay open for the next blessing.

Get Mei's point? I do, blessings allow love to flow, you can't tie love with ownership.

I am trying to hold on to this gratefulness at the moment, and faith that at somepoint the blessing will connect to make sense.  I like the philosophy of I am because we are. I like being on peoples teams, its habit to enthuse, but to expect that enthusiasm and support from the people you hope will give it doesn't always go to plan.  Its been a circle of feeling dissappointment. So to change that I'm concentrating on Mei's openhand suggestion.  To stay open for people who are positive in brigining the project forward.  It takes the stress out of it. So at the moment, instead of a tightknit team who meets daily, I have some wonderful encouraging people who without knowing it are working in a tagteam level. It alleviates the pressure and keeps a feeling of fun.  And it should feel fun, its a project made from love and connection, so why should it feel dismal?? No sir, it should feel like a cocktail party in fullswing.

They say, if life gives you lemons - make lemonade
                                                                                                           ... well I say, why not make margharitas?"

- Rupert Isaacson, founder of the horseboy foundation.

Next week, I'll fill in more details in which my tag team are moving me/us forwards.

But if you'll now excuse me, its time for my shower.

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