Epiphany march 2014

Its four days away. And today was the first day that I really started to smile and be thankful for what lies in the next week.  Next week I travel to Bath, England to follow my first Ttouch course for horses.

Until today I knew I would be flying in the direction, but from last weeks organising and bookings, I didn't really know exactly how I would be geting there. When I made my budget calculations, the euro was nearly equal to the pound. Now inflation is favouring the pound, more than it is favouring me.

I've been in a sea of worrying, and feeling like this journey would be again a struggle, and less I say it martyring for my own cause.  Well.. I have never seen so many angel feathers appear in my life, signs to have faith that everything will be ok, and that I am not the only one on my team, despite a habit for feeling I'm the only one. I have a great team falling around me.

I used to doubt myself if I saw a white feather.  That it might be just dust or downey feathers. When I was 18, a friend and I were scoffing at a program that talked about angels leaving white feathers when they wanted to show love. And then between us floated a white feather. Needless to say that day, something supernatural left us lost for words.

This weekend I went to see a friend perform spoken word, and as I began to question whether splashing out on a second bottle of sprite was too much, a white feather appeared. And this time I was given no room for doubt. It formulated, appeared, right in front of my eyes. Truth. Enjoy life, enjoy blessings, and the rest will come. Rest in that. Stay active, but remove the worry.

Today, a friend offered me a loan, and a new friend offered me some extra work. I've taken leaps of blind faith, but continuous faith on a meaningful path is just a bit overwhelming at times, and I've had to fight myself to not clam up into my own corner again.

People have asked if I'm excited. Told me to be excited. But if I subtract the ifs and the hows. Then there's a yearning to be where I should be. And the knowledge of a feeling of content. That content is calm joy, in one moment when a horses energy calms, and you see in his eyes a relief, that he understands the I understand that he understands. After that comes "let's talk" and after that comes "let's dance". But its that first moment of content. In understanding that I'm looking forward to. Love.

Epiphany

So these last few months have come with some learnings. I was always told by gran that one good turn deserves another, and to treat others how I would want to be treated myself. And this summer I began really to doubt that. And as with most things when I short circuit, the universe takes it back a key, and shows me kindess in humanity on a micro level. Which was reaffirming to some degrees.
You have to understand that my location moved from the countryside outside of Breda, to Amsterdam, and that's actually a huge change in social climate.  An Ex if mine was from Rotterdam, he summed up some differences quite well. In Breda, if you fall in the street, ten people will run to pick you up, in Rotterdam they will laugh at you (or with you), in Amsterdam, people will step over you and curse you for making them late for an appointment.
So in the summer, because the chemistry of amsterdam does not suit me, I made a decision to draw a line from it.  And now with some distance I can begin to cautiously analyse why the chemistry feels so uncomfortable, this is still an ongoing thought process, and I'm not yet ready to put it to blog yet.
One other decision was made for sure though, I can use my energy and let sensitivity allow me to encourage connections, but those connections don't bring me any support in return towards my own future hopes. But this realisation did, its time to get selfish, its time to take that attention for others, and focus it solely on my own project.
I love music, a few of my peers, David included, are at the top of their game in their sphere. They are Kings of their own. So why am I not Queen of my own?  Music is a form of love, and its path has been walked on and worshipped for thousands of years.  Whilst music is a rock for me, its not my sole purpose. My soul purpose.
My soul pupose has taken a little longer for me to feel confident in pursuing. Mainly because its a path which has taken time to fall into mainsteam, and its still not quite there. But it will be.
My path will be to facilitate the use of horses in order to allow people to find the quiet space inside of themselves again.  This will affect different social groups, and with help of nature,encourage people to find balance again.  Depending on the need of a person, the following shall be used.
The EAGALA model.
The TTouch technique from Linda Tellington-Jones
The Horse Boy method developed by Rupert and Rowan Isaacson.
I  will insert a  link later in the day in which Rupert describes more about the Horse Boy technique.

They say when life gives you lemons; make lemonade. Well I say, why not make margharitas!
                 - Rupert Isaacson