Tellington T Touch philosophy

An Introduction to the Tellington TTouch® Philoso…: http://youtu.be/LDRRTRbItKs

Epiphany march 2014

Its four days away. And today was the first day that I really started to smile and be thankful for what lies in the next week.  Next week I travel to Bath, England to follow my first Ttouch course for horses.

Until today I knew I would be flying in the direction, but from last weeks organising and bookings, I didn't really know exactly how I would be geting there. When I made my budget calculations, the euro was nearly equal to the pound. Now inflation is favouring the pound, more than it is favouring me.

I've been in a sea of worrying, and feeling like this journey would be again a struggle, and less I say it martyring for my own cause.  Well.. I have never seen so many angel feathers appear in my life, signs to have faith that everything will be ok, and that I am not the only one on my team, despite a habit for feeling I'm the only one. I have a great team falling around me.

I used to doubt myself if I saw a white feather.  That it might be just dust or downey feathers. When I was 18, a friend and I were scoffing at a program that talked about angels leaving white feathers when they wanted to show love. And then between us floated a white feather. Needless to say that day, something supernatural left us lost for words.

This weekend I went to see a friend perform spoken word, and as I began to question whether splashing out on a second bottle of sprite was too much, a white feather appeared. And this time I was given no room for doubt. It formulated, appeared, right in front of my eyes. Truth. Enjoy life, enjoy blessings, and the rest will come. Rest in that. Stay active, but remove the worry.

Today, a friend offered me a loan, and a new friend offered me some extra work. I've taken leaps of blind faith, but continuous faith on a meaningful path is just a bit overwhelming at times, and I've had to fight myself to not clam up into my own corner again.

People have asked if I'm excited. Told me to be excited. But if I subtract the ifs and the hows. Then there's a yearning to be where I should be. And the knowledge of a feeling of content. That content is calm joy, in one moment when a horses energy calms, and you see in his eyes a relief, that he understands the I understand that he understands. After that comes "let's talk" and after that comes "let's dance". But its that first moment of content. In understanding that I'm looking forward to. Love.

Inspiration - Alicia's story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxuqbZ0Q_9c&feature=youtube_gdata_player

January week 2

January week three, january week four. When discussing what my next moves were for the project, the lady I work for suggested I take three big pieces of paper. Labelled November-December, January-February, and March-April. November-December, well it was full of good intentions. Actually strike that, for the first few weeks, it stayed blank, not completely through procrastination, but more that my head was so full with things, it was actually quite calming to see a blank piece of paper.

January-February, is becoming much more purposeful. Managing finances is my biggest challenge. So now that blank piece of paper is full of post-it notes, budgeting out what I should be paying and when, I've never been so strict with myself, but laugh not, it has been first time I have ever hugged a book. Like properly hugged it with joy for all the purpose it contained, for all the hopes of change it contains. For its simple ethos, I hugged it with so much happiness. This book is a foundation in my path. My purpose. Dressage with mind, body and soul by Linda Tellington-Jones. And what I like even more about it, is that it supports connection with scientific backup. 

So if I am able to create a project where soul connects between horse and human in different ways. Horse to child, horse to business woman working sixty hours a week, horse to war veteran without a calm nights sleep, and then also re-chanel how the experts connect with their horse, even to competition level. The that's a wonderful full circle. Its an I am because we are on a whole different level. An interspecies level.

In the last months, I've heard a lot of people talk about cultures, traditions, roots. But that can only go back as far as our own social memory. Social memory of rituals and routine, social memories of history books and documentaries. But our roots go back further than we can concieve. At somepoint our roots were in a different environment to concrete and infrastructure, of education and health systems developed on behalf of democracy. On one hand we can look at it all and say well done us. Look how far we've come. On the otherhand, is what we've created really how it should be? Really what is good for us? If we were to look at ourselves through a horses eyes.. a horse who is completely at one with everything, because he is naturally connected, as he is. Would his interpretation of love, be the same as ours? What if his mission was to bring us back to love?

Project Epiphany - inspiration- trailer of the docufilm i shall be holding previews of in the Netherlands and Scotland

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYkT_GndKtE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Epiphany update

So just an update on how things are going. I went with a friend to look at the land for rent, we actually drove right past it, me thinking that this was perhaps too good to be true. Its 1.25 ha, which I estimate at about three quarters of a football pitch, with two small barns, and a small schooling area.

Its was nice to leave with such a good feeling. My friend who visited it with me was also positive, but a week later that seemed to change. It changed from believing to having serious doubts, and a need to bring me into reality. It was the biggest dissappointment to realise that she didn't believe in it anymore. Back on my own again.

The man who wants to rent the land also has his doubts as to the success and longevity of the project, its quite difficult to stay strong in your own path whilst fight through others doubt. I have to admit that its blocked me from thinking forwards for a few weeks. And then thoughts started to dawn on me.

I am going to stay free of negative thinking, and reality checks, because every challenge I come across will bring its own reality check. And I need my positivity intact to overcome it.

I am going to trust that god has brought me this far, and has given me enough signs that this is going to happen. And I have to rest in that and breathe relaxed and confident.

I have to let go of expectations or hopes of who precisely will be there to believe and support me. God/life/love has that covered.

My own fears and doubts are where the finance will come from. But the founders of the horse boy foundation have suggested that I hold awareness evenings by showing the horseboy documentary. So there was light again! And inspiration. So I'm in the middle of organising a first viewing in Amsterdam, and a friend of mine, Leslie Ebony, who is a wonderful spoken word artist will also be performing on the evening, alongside a question and answer session from Rupert Isaacson, founder of the horseboy foundation. Everything else is to be confirmed.

I am also hoping to hold an awareness evening in Scotland, in the Perthire area, more details to follow!

Epiphany

So these last few months have come with some learnings. I was always told by gran that one good turn deserves another, and to treat others how I would want to be treated myself. And this summer I began really to doubt that. And as with most things when I short circuit, the universe takes it back a key, and shows me kindess in humanity on a micro level. Which was reaffirming to some degrees.
You have to understand that my location moved from the countryside outside of Breda, to Amsterdam, and that's actually a huge change in social climate.  An Ex if mine was from Rotterdam, he summed up some differences quite well. In Breda, if you fall in the street, ten people will run to pick you up, in Rotterdam they will laugh at you (or with you), in Amsterdam, people will step over you and curse you for making them late for an appointment.
So in the summer, because the chemistry of amsterdam does not suit me, I made a decision to draw a line from it.  And now with some distance I can begin to cautiously analyse why the chemistry feels so uncomfortable, this is still an ongoing thought process, and I'm not yet ready to put it to blog yet.
One other decision was made for sure though, I can use my energy and let sensitivity allow me to encourage connections, but those connections don't bring me any support in return towards my own future hopes. But this realisation did, its time to get selfish, its time to take that attention for others, and focus it solely on my own project.
I love music, a few of my peers, David included, are at the top of their game in their sphere. They are Kings of their own. So why am I not Queen of my own?  Music is a form of love, and its path has been walked on and worshipped for thousands of years.  Whilst music is a rock for me, its not my sole purpose. My soul purpose.
My soul pupose has taken a little longer for me to feel confident in pursuing. Mainly because its a path which has taken time to fall into mainsteam, and its still not quite there. But it will be.
My path will be to facilitate the use of horses in order to allow people to find the quiet space inside of themselves again.  This will affect different social groups, and with help of nature,encourage people to find balance again.  Depending on the need of a person, the following shall be used.
The EAGALA model.
The TTouch technique from Linda Tellington-Jones
The Horse Boy method developed by Rupert and Rowan Isaacson.
I  will insert a  link later in the day in which Rupert describes more about the Horse Boy technique.

They say when life gives you lemons; make lemonade. Well I say, why not make margharitas!
                 - Rupert Isaacson

The wind..

This week I picked up my belongings from Breda, its been a year. And seeing them return is really a luxury, there's something special about reuniting with a favourite cup. Its really cool looking at it, and makes up for the journey. The journey was hap-hazard, the lady I work for, appreciating how sensitive people dysfunction under pressure, had calmed the situation, this is what she has a lovely skill in. Don’t worry, the first ten minutes will be a bit rocky, but you'll get the swing of it again. I'll leave you to go drive to take the pressure off. Well that was the intention. Unfortunately, I stalled right outside the family's window. Music blaring because I could not find the frickin volume switch, or the off switch. Cheap pop blaring, and no matter how hard I was pressing on the pedals, the car was just not going. Period. The lady came out again, and turned the music off, "try it again, maybe less power, or more power, but everything will work out fine." It was in a wonderfully warm and comforting manner. But no direct do this, fix that.  So it was up to me. The car still completely stalled on a one way, one lane road. At times like these its better to dejunk the drama. OK lets reduce things down. Breathe. lets check vitals.. Head. Still on. Just a bit fuzzy. Hands, on the steering wheel - great.  Left foot where are you?? - clutch, great. And Right, where are you…? ...erm on the Break? On the frickin Break, you IDIOT.

 After that, the journey went relatively smoothly. But it got me thinking, as a tired head does. Are there other times where I've sat with my foot on the break?

 

There were endless times my old horse riding instructor would shout this in every general direction across the sand manege. She was a cool riding instructor. There are two types of riding instructor who shout, those with pmt-esque humour, and those with no reason to shout, she was the first kind.

"...therrre is noooo point in getting your horse to do anything if you still have the break on"

 I learnt very quickly from her that there is no point in saying "No". asides from the riding instructors that shout for no reason, there are also those who are swayed by a very girly, soft, big eyed (yet surprisingly un-pathetic) excuse. I don’t feel able to do this today because I may break in two..  My riding instructor was not one of those. I felt it strange one day, because she seemed overly considerate and asked me which horse I would like to ride.  I took the generous gesture, and of course chose my favourite. My teacher, my security blanket, a retired ex racehorse called Sinbad.  I learnt to jump as a child, but I learnt balance and confidence in jumping again. Sinbad, holding his neck strong as I fell forward, we kept on jumping, and accomplished obstacles that I later found was unexpected from him. (The underlying theory with wiser horse people is that horses choose humans. Its true.)

 This time. I did not read anything into the addition of extra tack appliances. atleast not until we turned away from the manege and into the woodland. Horses enjoy hacks, and the energy can change from best behaviour to "feck yeaaahhh", I suppose a its bit like Eton boy mentality.  For me at that time it caused a fear, rather than an appreciation of energy. But at the time it helped me get through to "lets do this".  As we got to the local airfield, it was literally time for take off. I joke not, it was a local airfield in which we could ride across.  I could feel Sinbad leaning and fighting against the reins, just wanting to go faster. But I did not have the real ability to communicate in his language at that point.  Panic did start to spiral.

 "Andy(!!) .. I don’t think I can stop..(!!)"

 My Instructor, just in front,  was riding a young, Trojan looking pony. A complete powerhouse. And her voice articulated through the wind.

 "Well.. I don’t think I can stop either. So we better just keep  going.."

 Fuck. Is there any point complaining further when "No" is not an option. Lets go with it.

 My comfort and awareness of energy changed when i began to work with horses full time.  To learning how outside emotions can affect me, and how to create more of a boundary. By walking with horses I found that concentrating on that feeling you get by listening to don’t worry be happy by ….. Or that feeling when you scraped pass on a test, that sigh of relief. Or that feeling of coming back home. OK example, if I am walking with two horses each side, and the feeling is fright. I recognise that its not my fear I am feeling, and so concentrate myself on feeling that sense of relax.  And breathe. And to create that trust of relax, well that depended on individual horses, some related to touch, some to general conversation, some to song. Some just to the realisation that you trust them, and that you like them. I never felt the fullest ramifications of this until the following morning.

 

 They were the last horses I developed a bond with where I was confident enough to walk two at a time. Both were huge, height of 1 meter 70,  weighing roughly 1500 pounds. Farao was a show off, and walking with Odessa was like communicating with a kite. But I had guessed we had forged an understanding between us, enough to walk competently all three of us together. But I had not comprehension that they perceived it as something meaningful.

We three of us had been walking daily together for a few months, it was a spring morning, and as we turned the corner of the manege towards the path to the field, someone had hung out Saddle pads to dry, and array of colours blowing in the wind, and enough to become a bit scary to Odessa and Farao.  My first reaction was to walk it through and work it out as we went. But at one point  ropes and horses got tangled. And instead of the habit of being fearful at what might happen next, I let them go. I let them run, because what else could I worry about, even if it took all day, I would catch them eventually. And they ran. They had the choice of running for Acres, free, they're not trained like dogs. But around the corner, about 20 feet away, they stopped running, stood parallel to each other, looked back and waited for me. Waiting, be it from animal or human, well for me it’s a surefire sign of friendship.  And so I picked up the ropes, and we continued to walk. As friends.
 

 I regarded all of the horses I worked with as friends, just some where different bonds to others. My closest bond was to Igor. I was lucky to help look after him whilst his owner was pregnant. He had a quirky personality,  his owner described him as a one person horse, he was a bit quirky, he could be sweet but also highly strung, he could be gentle, but could pester other horses just with overexcited agitation. One afternoon, as I watched him with Max. I asked her "there are a lot of horses that are extensions of their owners (as some dogs are similar to their owners), why do you think Igor has chosen me?"

Because you're sensitive.

 

 And it was true. By working with him on the ground, I could measure the affects of my energy. Taking on a mood that I am about to go out clubbing, and he would gallop like a nut job. Work with him when I was feeling ill or down, and he would show no energy. Being aware of this, if things were very difficult for me, I would not work with him that day for fear of transferring my negativity towards him. Because i care for him, and i want to protect him. But if i am sensitive, can i expect others to moderate their moods when around me? i don't expect them to, but should they? if they were aware of their moods affect, would they change it out of politeness or consideration as one would offer a seat on a bus? i am sensitive, but I'm not a victim to it. though it sometimes feels like a martyrdom, there is no blame game. people are entitled to feel how they feel, but am i also entitled to be sensitive?

 This week I had also had a pre-birthday meal. My flatmates cooked, and I invited one of my best friends from Breda.  She was my manager, and friend, she managed three of us sensitive girls. And she managed well. As we said goodbye it made me realise how much easier it is to be around sensitive people, the people who just know you, know how you function, and those who you don’t need words to communicate with. But if I know that I don’t need to communicate so much verbally, I don’t use so many words, and probably I become lazy. So in one way I think its healthy for me around "normal" functioning people. My flatmate is normal, and she believes that if I am having an insular day, I should just sit down and talk about it. But it takes effort for  me to describe what she finds difficult to understand conventionally.

 She can't comprehend that others emotions can soak into me.

 That a lot of negative emotion from others is tiring.

 That domestic affairs or her own bad moods feel like thunder to me.

 That after a trip to a city, or worrying news, or just a lot to deal with. I need time in the quiet of room to decompress, like a deep sea diver would do.

 

That thoughts to me can be triple the load. Not just like apples, pears, bananas. But varying types of apple to first sort through.. gala, granny smith, pink lady, goldendelicious… overload.

For the sceptics out there, this is not hippybullshit or people in make believe over reacting to silly situations. there are scientific studies that suggest 15-20 percent of the population are showing high sensitivity traits (Aron, E.N. (2006), Ketay, S., Hedden, T., Aron, A., Aron, E., Markus, H., & Gabrieli, G. (2007, January), Belsky, J.; Pluess, M. (2009).

 

• Depth of processing.
• Over aroused (easily compared to others)
• Emotional reactivity and high empathy
• Sensitivity to subtle stimuli

 

Strengthened boundaries through working with horses have really been appreciated. i met one girl who has sensitive last summer, and immediately i could see she had very little boundaries in place, and she was just lost in a disorganised babbling mess. i have my own areas in which i need to pay attention to, and can expect days where i am overwhelmed, and by overwhelmed, i can only really describe it as an emotional hangover, on those days, i can expect more tears, less focus, feelings of detachment, and a feeling of being unable to connect fully.

As my friend left, she said, she may not seem it, but she is sensitive too. Just toughened up with harder knocks. That’s true. And as I describe my frustration at explaining myself to normal people. A simple  answer.. "well that’s part of the process". The process is not comfortable, its challenging with discomfort. and so this evening, i discussed it through with my flatmate. two different ways of functioning, and an attempt to gain understanding in how living with an hsp and non-hsp can work. i do yearn for an easy living environment where i am "just" known and vice-versa, until that happens again, life gives an opportunity for me to learn about where i can expect my boundaries to be respected, and on the other hand areas where i have to accept and tolerate. its not going to be an easy lesson to digest, but we will see what happens.

 And this learning softens my compassion to christian thinking that I was made aware of in the last week or so. There is a pressure to marry, there is a pressure to date prudently, there is a mindset only to date possible  christian spouses.  On hearing it, it made me angry. when I hope for a world of sincere love and unity, I hoped that religion wouldn’t be such a divisive factor. Love thy neighbour.  How can you guarantee someone else's faith? How can you guarantee that someone else will not turn  to your faith?  The frustration got me to a shouting-point in Dam Square. If we are putting ourselves in a faith for what god has planned, putting our life to gods work. then who the fuck are we to think ourselves power of attorney when it comes to relations? Are we so arrogant to think that we have better plans?

 

Christian girls that I have spoken to, have their reasoning, I don’t agree with it. But I respect it. I just do not like any feeling of "us and them". I look on a forum for sensitive people, and there is sometimes also a notion for "us and them". Normal people don’t understand sensitive people, and normally i have found they don't. but is that through their own decision, or lack of awareness? It would be easier for me to associate only with people that have a deeper understanding of me. But as difficult as it feels, I am in situations where I have to make myself understood. It feels safe to be in what you know, and it feels comfortable to be in what you know.  To be sensitive in a "normal" environment, well it’s a roller coaster. On bad days its oppressive in feeling, on better days though it allows deeper appreciation of good that IS in the world. But it also gives me opportunity to further look at my own sensitivities and reassess areas in which my foot is on the break. Areas that I can change to make my life feel easier. I think that the point I am trying to make is, also with my christian friends in mind. what we want is not always what we need. Christian girls may want a christian boyfriend, i may prefer at times to seek out those who understand me better, but if gods plan is for what we need in his eyes, maybe our perspectives, and expectations need to soften and become more welcoming.

 I like the idea of being connected, but in order to connect, its not always comfortable. I am not sure where this process is going, but I am trying to keep my foot off the break. and depending on the traffic, well I'll send you a postcard.

 

".. You can't choose what adventure your on necessarily, but you can choose the attitude you take to the adventure… if life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Well I say, why not make margaritas? You can choose"                             
                                                                           -  Ruper Isaacson (The Horse Boy Foundation).

These last weeks have been somewhat intense, so a leaving tune is one to get dancing during testing times. Shake it up.

Black woman by Gery Mendes AKA  GMB.  I would heavily encourage you to check him on Facebook or Twitter